Even if we don't admit it pretending to be completely independable, we all do. We all need to rely on somebody not only on our wickest moments. We do need somebody by our side to share the joyfull ones, too.
I know -and fully understand- the fact that sometimes loneliness appears to be soothing and most wanted. When times get tough, we tend to choose loneliness...
But having myself faced such circumstances and having tried both approaches I believe and I recommend that you choose somebody. Somebody you can rely on and can be of help to you in oder to surpass the obstucles.
Being desparate combined with pressure always makes you choose wrong turns and find yourself in a much worse situation than the previous one.
You need -even though I know that can be really tough- to just let go of some things.
The more you think,the worse you'll feel. Trust me on this one!
What's important in life is to be able to learn from your mistakes and choose better next time. Don't eat yourself up about things like that, just make sure you understand what went wrong and try differently...